Quintessential Non Sequiturs.

Every so often, Mike will come up with the most random satements. He proclaims them out of nowhere with the confidence of someone who absolutely knows what he's talking about, and without a thought to the fact that they seem to have nothing to do with anything.

For example, in the car leaving Waffle House, he advised me:

Never play tag with a monkey or a gorilla.

And in the driveway on our way to feed the neighbor's pets he explained:

I may look small, but inside I'm a monster.