What up, Britches?

sportweasel.com Little Britches.jpg

I just started reading aloud to the boys the book Little Britches: Father and I Were Ranchers by Ralph Moody.

Mike looked at the title and asked,

What if the "r" was missing?

My response was:

Um... How do you know that word?

Both boys looked at their father.

Me? I don't use that word.

To which King responded:

What about that time you kept saying to us 'What up, Bitches?'

Oh, yeah.


I'm Not as Cool as I'd Once Hoped

EXHIBIT A:

I was invited to a Girls Night IN (friend's husband and kids were out of the house) in my neighborhood. It was a themed potluck: Summer Salads. I brought this:

Tossed Coconut, Banana Chip and Pecan "Salad" (aka trail mix).

EXHIBIT B:

To supplement (or make up for) my not-a-summer-salad, I also brought beer and a Dera Frances. We went together to the local liquor store. When I say local, I really mean "ghetto". Dera found her wine, no problem, cuz she's cool like that. There was not a huge selection of beer, but still I was overwhelmed. I usually buy Budwieser because it's the King of Beers and I don't care. But I decided that these ladies, just might care and I was trying to overcome my trail mix. Finally, I held up a six pack and shouted to Dera across the store,

"Is THIS beer cool?!"

So not cool.

EXHIBIT C:

I just downloaded this app:

So that I can understand what all the cool people are saying on the internets, and so that I won't be this mom:

 


Source: tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

 

 

Exhibit D:

What I wore the other day.

I, personally, think this is cool (although the face I was making while sucking in my gut was not). According to my eighty "followers" on Instagram, however, not so much. Four* people "liked" it (over an eight hour period). To put that into perspective...

Within fifteen minutes, this picture of our neighbor cutting down our tree got seven "likes". Not that it's a contest (but I guess it totally is).

WTF! Well that's fantastic!

 

*Shout out to @julmorg, @khannah, @lpink75, and @barefootgal: Thanks for the Southern Rawk love, or the sympathy "likes". Either way, xoxo!

Why I Need an "Off" Switch for My Mouth

During a recent conversation the person I was talking with mentioned that they couldn't read.  This person is continually amazing me with  his extensive knowledge of (sometimes) random facts. In retrospect, I don't know what I thought he could have meant; but, at the time, I thought surely this intelligent person couldn't possibly mean that he was actually illiterate.

I said, in a whiny mock-sympathetic voice, "Oooh, I'm sooo sorry. You can't read? Reeally?"

Well, that is exactly what he meant.

Woops.

Ironically, we had just finished having a conversation about how I'm always putting my foot in my mouth, saying the most ridiculous things to people. This person claimed he had the same problem, so perhaps there is a chance he will forgive my stupidity.

The Dog House

Mike and King were taking turns sitting in the dog's kennel.

"Look, Mom. Now Michael and I have two homes."

King locks Mike in the kennel and says, "Michael, aren't you late for something?"

Intentional irony or accidental nonsense? I'm not sure.

It's time for school*. King picks up the dog kennel to bring it upstairs with him.

Curtis says, "No. No. No. Leave the kennel where it is."

"But it's my cage." He sounds so sad and disappointed. 

"No, the cage is not for school; school is for learning."

"But I will; I will learn in the cage."

I am absolutely fascinated by the ridiculousness of this conversation.

"I said, No."

"It doesn't make sense. How can I not learn in the cage?"

"Because it's RETARDED!"

"What does retarded mean?"

I think Curtis realizes the depths to which their argument has fallen.

"It means you're not bringing it upstairs. Now get up there."



*For those of you who don't know, King is homeschooled by a tutor during the week. It's not that I wasn't willing or able to homeschool him myself, it's just that our personality traits are such that it would be a disaster if I were to do it.